The Human Centipede: First Sequence (2009)

Oh.  Yeah.  I saw "The Human Centipede."  This'll be short because it's a disgusting movie to discuss.  The basic idea of the plot is a retired surgeon turned mad scientist who gets off on connecting people via their mouths and anuses to create a "human centipede."  So he kidnaps three people and connects them and basically keeps them/it as a pet until things start to unwind and he is discovered for what he really is.

I thought this movie was going to be un-watchable due to the amount of gore and graphic nature I was expecting, but it wasn't really that bad on the gore scale.  In other words I've seen much worse.  The thing that makes this movie what it is is the whole concept behind it, the concept of the human centipede and how screwed up it is.  The acting is not good by any means in this movie, except for the lead role of Dr. Heiter (Dieter Laser) which fits the vibe of the movie perfectly.  I guess you can't really expect much when you mouth is attached to the ass of another person for the entire movie.  There were a few cringe moments throughout the movie but not really anything to turn away at.  Unless you really have a hankering to see this movie I would skip it just because it's way overrated in terms of scare/shock/horror factor.  "The Human Centipede" gets a 2/5.

Cashback (2006)

We all go through life experiencing a string of moments and points in time.  Some moments we would like to forget.  Others we wish could last forever.  "Cashback" is a movie about making those special moments last into eternity.
The story is centered around Ben Willis, an art student who starts suffering from a severe case of insomnia after his girlfriend breaks up with for, as explained by Ben, small things that shouldn't make that much of a difference.  Ben's case of insomnia causes him to remain awake and without fatigue for weeks without sleep.  He ends up taking a job at a local supermarket during the night shift.  However, rather than trying to get through his shift as quickly as possible, Ben find a way to freeze the world around him.  He utilizes this ability (and his art talent) by drawing the women around the store who are stuck in poses and experiencing the beauty of the woman form.  One thing leads to another and he falls in love with a fellow employee and the rest is pretty standard in terms of the genre.
The reason why "Cashback" is different from any other romantic comedy is because rather than focusing on many different encounters between the destined lovers of the film, it focuses on one or two moments that Ben has frozen so that he can examine his love (who goes by the name of Sharon).  It's a very interesting take on one's life experiences and how we all wish we could make them last forever.  "Cashback" gets a 5/5 because it made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside :).

Inception (2010)

I saw "Inception" so you don't have to!  Just kidding, "Inception" was actually a pretty great movie!  I'm not a super big fan of Leonardo di Caprio.  I mostly have trouble getting past his voice (he sounds like a bitchy twelve year old).  But other than that "Inception" had a pretty all-star lineup, including Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Ellen Paige, and Ken Watanabe.  All of the actors were basically perfect except for di Caprio, because he's a bitchy twelve year old.

I can't really tell too much of the plot because it would give up too much of the plot, but I do have one complaint; that being that some of the details and events (including the past of the characters and how they came to be) was a little vague at times.  It really wasn't until the very end of the movie that I noticed how everything fit together and the importance/significance of all of the characters.  However, it was shot very well and had a lot of interesting ideas, however, a lot of the ideas presented in "Inception" are not entirely original.  The two movies that stood out to me as being similar along some lines were "The Matrix" and "Vanilla Sky".  Without giving away anything, lets just say that each of these movies are similar to "Inception" in the way that the character's minds/thoughts/dreams are manipulated.

Anyways, I thoroughly enjoyed "Inception" and highly recommend seeing, maybe more than once!  "Inception" gets a 4.5, not a 5, for the sole reason that Leonardo di Caprio's voice sucked...and because I don't like his acting style....and because he's a teenage heartthrob and I'm not.... :(

Knowing (2009)

Other than the fact that I hate Nicholas Cage, "Knowing" was a pretty O.K. movie...until the end.  It seems like I've stumbled upon a few movies lately that sort of have a "hidden" (and when I say hidden I mean completely blatant...) religious message.  I recently watched "The Book of Eli" which is the other movie I'm referring to.

I'll just go ahead and ruin it for you since I would hope that after reading this review, you wouldn't see it.  "Knowing" is pretty much a round about way of telling the story of the great flood and cleansing of the Earth and Noah's ark in modern times when everything on Earth is wiped out by a massive solar flair except for a few young children that are saved by what I deemed to represent angels to repopulate and restore civilization.  Pretty standard premise of a pre-apocalyptic world with a ton of foreshadowing but overall very predictable.  All of this was then ruined by Nicholas Cage.

Here is what I see wrong with Cage.  It seems like every single movie he's in, he plays the same lame character; that being the out of luck husband who is a genius on some large topic that is the key to saving the world (even though he doesn't save the world in "Knowing").  Cage's character basically bosses everybody around on his quest to discover the truth behind a lot of strange happenings centered around him and his son.  Of course every character submits to his will and follows him around like chickens with their dicks cut off.  Not to mention he is a terrible actor with absolutely no emotion change (it's all "I'm awesome and here to save the world! Out of my way!")

The only credit that I will give this movie is that it has the guts to completely destroy civilization rather than writing a script in with Nick Cage uses his super-god powers to resurrect the entire human race and survive a massive solar flair.  "Knowing" gets a 2/5 for decent beginning, with a bad everything else.  Go team!

The Book of Eli (2010)

I'm sure everybody in the world is a fan of Denzel Washington.  How could you not be?  "The Book of Eli" is Washington's latest blockbuster and it follows a man named Eli in his journey (guided by some kind of omnipresent entity....) to deliver the words of the Holy Bible to a group of people who are trying to rebuild society after it has been extinguished by war and natural disaster.  He comes in contact with a man who wants the "book" for the sole purpose of using it's power of persuasion and faith to increase his own wealth and livelihood by exercising control over whomever will follow him.  It takes place a seemingly post-apocalyptic world in which the Earth has been scorched by the sun and few humans remain, and even fewer alternative forms of life.  There is no law and order, there is only the struggle for survival.

I would have enjoyed this movie immensely if it hadn't been based on religion.  The movie portrayed my exact thoughts in a line by the antagonist, Carnagie (Gary Oldman), even though it appears to be a glorification of Western religion.  Carnagie states that he needs the book to exhibit it's power over the weak-minded people of the world so that he can control them and increase his own estate.  Now, I'm not going to get into a religious discussion about what is right and what isn't (in my mind, do whatever you want as long as it doesn't influence me and my decisions), but for a movie trying to explain why religion is seemingly good, why would you point out the fundamental flaw in it (that being that people blindly follow religion without giving serious thought to the implications it's having on their lives and the lives of others)?  Not only that but isn't it setting a bad example if the new prophet of God (Washington) brutally slaughters anybody who gets in his way in supreme displays of bad-assery?  It's like the crusades all over again!  That will be where my religious rant will end.

Other than the lame connections to the King James Bible, this movie had several great things going for it.  The acting was all great, except for the part that Mila Kunis plays (Solara).  Washington and Oldman were both great.  The cinematography and the general vibe of the movie was also very interesting.  What was most likely used was mostly shots of people surrounded by green screen with CGI sets erected all around them.  This gives the movie a very surreal and lonely feeling and does a great job of displaying the despair and fright of the remaining human race.  There were also some really awesome fight scenes, very much in the style of Zach Snyder (Sin City, 300) that showed a great display of the entire fight from a panoramic type view, rather than a first person view.  Because of the religious aspect, "The Book of Eli" only gets a 3.5/5.  Screw you Denzel Washington for making a movie that had so much potential to be completely righteous (not in the religious sense) and gory.

Oldboy (2003)

Anyone interested in effed up movies from South Korea? I certainly am now! "Oldboy" is of course a film made by a South Korean film company following a man named Oh Dae Su. For some reason Oh Dae Su is imprisoned in a strange room without any human interaction and basically nothing to live for. After 15 years Oh Dae Su is released for no extractable reason on the rooftop of the building he was trapped in. He meets a young woman named Mi-do and begins to hunt down the man who locked him up. He begins uncovering things from his past and from his schooling years and eventually uncovers the story in it's shocking entirety with an ending that is impossible to predict.

I really liked this movie for two reasons. 1) The way that foreign films (and especially films from Asian countries) are produced and strung together is drastically different from the way American films are made, and it's a style that I really enjoy. 2) The ending, even though horrifying and disturbing, was phenomenal in the way is expressed to the viewer as well as how it was filmed (the overall cinematography in this movie is pretty great). The soundtrack was also very enjoyable featuring excerpts from Vivaldi's "Four Seasons", specifically "Winter". Another aspect that made this film appealing was the presence of several AWESOME fight scenes in the middle of the movie where Oh Dae Su does some major ass-kicking. These scenes were also very special because they were filmed in a way that allowed the viewer to see every single detail going on in the fight, and around the fight which is unique because most fight scenes are focused mainly on first-person point of view and consist of lot of camera shaking and blurred images. The "Oldboy" fight scenes are incredibly reminiscent of Bruce Lee Kung-fu films and that general genre. In other words, the fight scenes were very well choreographed but they didn't seem so to the viewer. In conclusion, if you can stand English overdubs (which were hardly noticeable) and you want to get your moral sense screwed with a little bit, check out "Oldboy" which gets a 4/5.

Uncle Sam: I Want You...Dead! (1997)

"Uncle Sam" is a fairly unknown B movie that I recently discovered by accident and decided to check out. This is a film about a soldier named Sam Harper who is killed in Kuwait by friendly fire that comes back to life to eliminate all of the non-patriotic Americans...sounds great to me! The film is centered around a boy who is the nephew of Sam Harper (hence, Uncle Sam) who idolizes his uncle to the point of doing anything for him and wants to grow up to be exactly like him. Sam is shipped back to his home town after his body is found and before his family can bury him, he rises to show America's true colors. Sam utilizes an Uncle Sam costume to do his dirty work which allows him to blend in as it happens to be the 4th of July. What more could you want in a quality film like this one?

I wasn't really sure what to expect other than that the acting was going to be somewhere between mediocre and terrible, and that the special effects were going to be much less than adequate. In the end I was half correct in terms of the acting, which was pretty terrible from just about every member of the cast. The special effects on the other hand, were pretty great for this being a B movie. There was a really great fire scene at the end where Sam is shot by a canon and catches fire and is then catapulted into a house which explodes! It was a very well choreographed scene that was pulled off pretty flawlessly. I think the plot was supposed to be semi-funny but the amount of political undertones add a nice spark of humor and political hilarity to the film. All in all, "Uncle Sam is a terribly entertaining B movie , but what more can you expect (and what more do i love!) from a movie titled as this? I enjoyed it, but it you're not a fan of this genre, then you might find many more things wrong with it then I did. "Uncle Sam" gets a 2 out of 5 for generally poor acting (but that's what makes it entertaining!)